


Even if you build your walls as tall as mountains

by NightsMeridian



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Maggie to me feels like someone who might be carrying some baggage with her, Post 2x07 fic sort of, So I couldn't resist building a story around that, angst with payoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 04:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8697166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightsMeridian/pseuds/NightsMeridian
Summary: “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”It was said softly, barely above a whisper, and she could see how fragile Maggie was in that moment, as if the wrong words would make her shatter. “But you have. You have and I wished you’d stop,” Alex stuttered out, desperately trying to keep the tears burning in her eyes at bay.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this (well 90% of it) before episode 2x08 aired, so anything that happened in it obviously isn't touched upon in this story.
> 
> I just felt like exploring Maggie's character a little and I also loving putting people through the emotional wringer, so there's that. However I should note that this is just my headcanons and such and that I wanted to build a story around it.

  
  


* * *

 

 

It was dark. Her eyelids fluttered, struggling against whatever weight was keeping them closed. Pain spiked through her body as she coughed and wheezed, the pressure on her chest made it even harder for her to force her eyes open.

 

She blinked and watched as a curtain of water cascaded down from the skies. The rain caught on her lashes and she blinked again, unable to focus on anything but the darkness above, an endless void that seemed to surround her. There was a lingering thought that if she just reached up, she might be able to touch it and cover herself in a shroud of darkness and let everything else fall away. 

 

But her hand was numb and unresponsive and it took a long time for her to glance sideways, her every action steeped in a swamp of molasses. Alex was able to see her fingers move but it was almost as if she was detached from her body and she groaned when even moving her head made black spots appear in her vision.

 

In the distance she could hear noises, voices screaming, sirens. A wall of sound that seemed miles away and distorted as if put through a blender. Her eyes found the sky again, fixating on the ever pouring rain. And she blinked and blinked again, her thoughts becoming fuzzy. She was tired. So tired and everything was hazy, always out of reach.

 

Something bright seeped through the darkness she found herself in and Alex could feel a hand settling on one of her cheeks. The warmth a stark contrast with the icy chill that seemed to permeate her very bones. There were words on her lips, a name that fit with the worried brown eyes gazing down at her. But her body wouldn’t cooperate and she could only watch and stare as the woman turned her head and seemed to shout something.

 

The curtain of rain lifted and Alex couldn’t focus on the blurry image, a mixture of blue and red. Somewhere along the edges of her consciousness she felt a spark of recognition and the name painted itself across her eyelids as if it had done so a million times before.

 

“K-ka…”

 

She couldn’t hear the words said back to her but even as everything faded, she’d thought she’d never forget the tears spilled from soft blue eyes. 

 

And then there was a sense of weightlessness and the world itself gave way.

 

* * *

  
  


“How do you feel?”

 

Alex groaned, her eyes still adjusting to the brightness of the room. She hadn’t been able to get out more than two words in between Kara’s babbling and super-speeding back and forward to get her a glass of water and a straw.

 

She took another sip from the water and cleared her throat. “Like I’ve gone ten rounds with a K’Hund,” she muttered, her voice scratchy and alien-sounding to her own ears. “And I lost all ten of them.”

 

Instead of a chuckle, Kara looked down at the ground, though not before Alex had caught the flash of guilt in her eyes. Even though she wore her suit, the dejected slumping of her shoulders made Kara seem so small of a sudden and Alex’s stomach twisted in response.

 

“Kara…” she mumbled softly, wishing she could reach out and place a hand on her sister’s arm. “I don’t remember much from what happened down there but it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known our raid was going to go south like that.”

 

“I still should’ve accompanied you, just in case.” 

 

“It was a low-risk mission, we’ve done hundreds of those in the past.” Alex flashed a quick reassuring smile Kara’s way after she finally looked up and met her eyes. 

 

“And we…” She straightened herself a little in the bed, trying to place her body more upright, only for a searing pain to lance itself through her side. “Fuck,” she cursed, tears shooting into her eyes.

 

“Alex!”

 

“I’m fine,” she wheezed through clenched teeth.

 

“No you’re not,” Kara grumbled and fiddled with something next to the bed. “That should help with the pain, but you should really take it easy, Dr. Hamilton insisted you didn't do anything that might aggravate your injuries.”

 

“I guess that means I can’t bribe you with potstickers to deposit me in my own bed?”

 

It was meant to be a teasing comment but the way Kara looked back at her made Alex deflate instantly. Blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears and Alex felt a tug at her heart, wishing she could envelop Kara into a hug in that moment.

 

“I thought you were…” Kara’s words were choked and she wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her suit. “You were covered in blood and barely responsive. I couldn’t… I didn’t even know you were there Alex. I didn’t even...and there was just so much blood.”

 

“Kara,” Alex whispered, feeling the burn of tears in her own eyes. She sighed in relief when Kara walked over to her and bent down, placing a kiss on her forehead.

 

“I’m okay,” she whispered soothingly. She reached up and tucked a few errant strands of hair behind Kara’s ears and smiled up at her encouragingly. 

 

“You were in a coma. You also have three bruised ribs, two deep lacerations across your arm and chest which required a dozen stitches, a dislocated arm and a twisted ankle. You are  _ not _ okay _ , _ Alex,” Kara shot back, a mixture of anger and worry in her voice.

 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “And I know you’re likely to try and convince me once again to not go out in the field anymore,” Alex continued after a pause in which Kara had turned to face the window that looked out over the city. “But it’s my job Kara and I promise the moment I think we’ll need your help I’ll call for you.”

 

Kara continued staring out through the window and for a moment Alex wondered if Kara was going to argue her point, but then she sighed and her head dipped towards the ground. “I hate it, Alex. I get why you do it, I really do, but I hate it. I can’t stop thinking about there being a moment…”

 

“Hey,” Alex gently interrupted her and she once again wished she could step out of the hospital bed and hug her sister. “I saw you floating up there, Kara,” she whispered, her throat constricting as the memories played themselves across her mind’s eye. “I thought about it then and I still think about it every time you go out there and risk your life to save someone, or to punch the face of something threatening the city.”

 

“I know that..I just…” Kara sighed and moved towards the bed again, placing a hand on top of her own, squeezing softly. “I love you.”

 

“And I love you,” Alex replied with a smile. She grabbed the glass of water from the nightstand and took a few more sips.

 

“How long was I out for anyway?” She asked after glancing across the sparsely decorated room. The DEO’s medical wing wasn’t meant for prolonged stays and she hoped she would be able to go home in a few days time.

 

“Five days.”

 

Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline and she rubbed at her face, the sluggish feeling creeping up on her signaling her that the medications were kicking in.

 

“You saved me right?” Alex wondered out loud. She was able to distinctly recall seeing a blotch of red and blue, but not much else. “No one else got injured?” 

 

“A few other people got caught in the blastwave but you took the brunt of it,” Kara said, the wobble of her lips giving away that she was struggling with the memories of that night. “Detective Sawyer had a head wound and some cuts and bruises last I saw her, but she seemed fine otherwise.”

 

For a moment Alex’s breath caught as she thought of Maggie. Something about that night, about the way her name had been called just before the bomb had gone off. But she wasn’t able to remember more. As if pieces of her memories had been forcefully removed and left nothing but gaps in their wake.

 

“I don’t remember,” she confessed when Kara looked at her, eyes flicking back and forward as if searching for something.

 

“You don’t? Oh.”

 

“What happened?”   
  


“I heard her calling out for me repeatedly and when I got there… She uhm...she was pretty out of it. She had you in her arms and she was..she was sobbing, Alex, she was calling out your name and sobbing.” 

 

A lump lodged itself into her throat and Alex swallowed convulsively.

 

“She was covered in blood and I thought she was injured too but it was yours,” Kara muttered, wringing her hands. “I didn’t even get to thank her for calling me on the scene,” she continued after a small pause. “She dropped by a few hours after you were brought here and stabilized but she never even said anything, she just walked into the room and left again a few seconds later.”

 

“So she didn’t visit again afterwards?” Alex questioned, trying to move past the unsettling feeling in her stomach at Kara’s words.

 

Kara shook her head and Alex had to look away, fixing her gaze on the door. “Right,” she replied, trying to keep her voice from wavering. “I guess she’s just busy.”

 

And here she had thought they were past that. Since they had spend more time together, playing pool and visiting the new pinball bar that had opened across town. Maggie had even dropped by a few times at the DEO to have lunch. And somewhere along the way Alex had felt a cautious glimmer of hope set up root again in her heart.

 

Somewhere in between a few of their shared nightly stakeouts where all they did was talk and sip awful coffee and laugh at childhood stories. The successful raids they celebrated at the alien dive bar with cheap drinks and her trying to teach Maggie how to properly play pool. 

 

She thought there had been something brewing between them, thought that she’d seen Maggie stare at her sometimes from the corners of her eyes. But now she wondered if it had all been wishful thinking. If she had just never truly accepted how Maggie might never see her as anything more than a friend.

 

“She’s been drinking.”

 

Alex blinked and stared up at Kara in confusion. “Sorry?”

 

“A lot,” Kara continued while tugging at one of the sleeves of her suit. “Uhm, I may or may not have checked in on her a few times. She was acting really weird Alex, don’t get me wrong I’m still a bit ticked at her for breaking your heart but I wanted to know if she was okay.”

 

Stifling a yawn Alex tried to summon up some anger at Kara’s antics but found she just didn’t have the energy. “We’ll talk about that later,” she murmured, slurring her words slightly. “I’m too tired for this right now.”

 

“Okay, yeah, you need your rest,” Kara said and Alex quirked a half smile at the relieved look on her sister’s face. 

 

“That doesn’t mean you’re off the hook for spying on people.”

 

Kara pointedly looked away at that and Alex snorted.

 

“You should talk to her though.”

 

“Kara…”

 

“You didn’t see her over there Alex.”

 

“Maybe I haven’t, no, but she’s the one choosing to stay away Kara.” 

 

And she so desperately wanted to believe her own excuse, that Maggie had just been too busy to visit. But deep down she knew there had to be another reason. And a part of her just got stuck on that moment in the bar. When she took this massive leap of fate and kissed Maggie, only to realize her mistake a few seconds later. She felt like that now. The rejection and the sinking feeling that followed.

 

“Okay,” Kara breathed out after a few seconds. “I’ll visit later okay? I’ll bring something greasy because I know how bad the food is in here.”

 

“Yeah, thanks Kara,” she whispered back groggily.

 

She watched Kara leave and then turned on her side, facing the wall and squeezing her eyes shut. She felt hollow and wondered if it would ever stop.

  
  


* * *

 

 

A soft whooshing sound followed by footsteps made Alex smile and snap the book she’d been reading shut. 

 

“You know it’s a good thing my apartment is on this side of the building, because someone might’ve started asking questions considering the amount of times you’ve brought me food these past few weeks.”

 

“Hey, I’ve been discreet,” Kara said as she dropped the food bags on the coffee table and walked over to the kitchen counter for some plates.

 

“Not a word I’d ever use to describe you,” Alex whispered under her breath. The dirty glare shot her way made it obvious Kara had overheard it though and Alex grinned in response. 

 

They ate mostly in silence and it made her wonder what was on her sister’s mind. She usually talked a mile a minute in between inhaling her food, but other than a few complaints about Snapper, Kara had been uncharacteristically quiet. 

 

“Kara?”

 

“Hm?” 

 

Alex chuckled when Kara narrowly intercepted one of the potstickers from falling on the floor with her superspeed. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” came the immediate response, though from the way Kara avoided her eyes, Alex knew there was more to it. It hadn't been hard for her to pick up on the signs of nervousness, how Kara squirmed on the couch until she finally sighed and placed down the potsticker on her plate.

 

“Okay maybe I’m just a little worried about you going back on active duty tomorrow.”

 

“You know I wouldn’t go out in the field again if I didn’t think I was up for it right? And you know Dr. Hamilton would’ve never given the green light if she thought I wasn’t fully recovered.”

 

“I do know that,” Kara muttered, sliding her legs up on the couch and turning to face her. “And I know you’ve gotten injured before it’s just...it’s been really hard for me to shake the images of you lying there Alex. You were so still, so pale and there was this overwhelming smell of blood.”

 

“I’ll take it slow,” Alex promised as she settled one of her hands on Kara’s shoulder and squeezed.

 

“Yeah, okay.” Kara flashed her a smile that lit up her eyes and Alex couldn’t help but smile back at her sister. “Just call me if you need me okay?”

 

Alex nodded but something about the way Kara was looking at her gave her pause. “What?” She queried, raising up one of her eyebrows in silent question. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” 

 

When Kara looked away guiltily, Alex sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You didn’t go out there and spy on Maggie again, did you?” 

 

“No?”

 

“That didn’t sound very convincing,” Alex said with a soft shake of her head. “You were planning to, weren’t you?”

 

Kara met her gaze then and Alex was taken aback a little by the fierce look in her sister’s sky blue eyes. “She didn’t bother stopping by once, Alex. It’s been three weeks and she hasn’t called or texted you. And I know you’re trying to pretend it doesn’t bother you, but I know you Alex, I know when you’re hurting. I just...I want to ask her why, I want to know why she’s doing this. I want to understand,” Kara finished, her voice laced with equal parts anger and sadness. 

 

“I want to understand too,” Alex admitted after a moment. Tears burned in her eyes as she thought of the last time she had seen Maggie. And it hurt. It never stopped hurting and she swallowed and swallowed, unable to clear the lump lodged in her throat.

 

“But maybe there’s nothing to understand,” she whispered, her voice breaking as she angrily rubbed at her eyes. “Maybe I just need to let this go.”   
  
“Alex…”

 

“It’s fine Kara. I know you’re still thinking of paying her a visit, but just don’t, okay? I’ve moved past her rejecting me, I’ll move past this too.” Though she wondered, briefly, while tracing a dent in the coffee-table, just who it was that she was trying to convince. 

 

“I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll run into her again sooner or later,” she continued, her lips quirking up into a faint half-smile, “I’ll be just fine.”

  
  


* * *

 

She wasn’t fine at all.

 

Her heart hammered into her chest as she flattened herself to a wall and stared up at the sky, hoping it would be enough to soothe her frayed nerves. 

 

Of course her luck would end sometimes, though Alex had hoped there had been a little bit more respite before she was confronted with Maggie Sawyer again. The first two crime-scenes had been uneventful and to her great relief, the DEO had been able to wrap the cases up without much assistance from the NCPD. 

 

But she wasn’t so lucky with this third one. The bodies of two people were splattered all over the floor of an abandoned warehouse and a few pools of an otherworldly looking slime was enough of a clue that some kind of alien was involved. Which in turn involved the NCPD. And a certain detective that was crouching on the floor next to one of the pools of slime, brows furrowed in concentration.

 

Taking a deep breath, Alex walked back into the warehouse through the massive double doors. She avoided looking into the general direction of Maggie and instead chose to approach a few members of her own team, who were busy collecting evidence. It would only postpone the inevitable, but maybe it would give her enough time to collect herself and slip the mask into place.

 

But she had barely reached one of the marked spots on the floor and the two agents investigating it when she heard her name being called out behind her. Closing her eyes briefly, she turned around and came face to face with a faintly smiling Maggie Sawyer. 

 

“I thought it was you,” Maggie said, head tilting slightly to the side as her eyes raked over Alex’s form. “You look...better.”

 

“I’m..” She barely caught herself and pursed her lips, trying to steel her resolve. “Let’s just focus on the case, okay?” She muttered, unable to keep the hostile undercurrent out of her voice. 

 

“Right.”

 

And there was no mistaking the flash of hurt that passed across Maggie’s features. But it only served to increase the anger that bubbled right beneath the surface. Because she couldn’t understand how Maggie was trying to play the victim card when she was the one that hadn’t kept in touch for nearly a month. 

 

Fingers curled themselves to tight balls at her sides and it was all she could do to not lash out in the way she really wanted to. To not demand the answers to questions that kept her awake at night sometimes. What had she done wrong? Why had Maggie dismissed her like this after she had tried so hard to push her feelings away and settle for a close friendship. 

 

“We’ve got a few leads if you…”

 

Maggie paused mid-sentence and Alex stared at her, unable to decipher the mixture of emotions swirling in her brown eyes. “Yeah, sure,” she answered after a moment’s hesitation, trying to focus her thoughts on the case instead of letting herself get caught up in her emotional turmoil. “Show me what you got.”

  
  


* * *

 

 

She saw Maggie a few more times after that while they worked on the case, but their conversations were limited to the bare minimum. And every single time she met with Maggie in person, it was as if someone tightened an invisible band around her chest. It hurt. It hurt and she was just so tired of it all.

 

Which is why she knew it was a bad idea to visit the alien bar again after avoiding it for weeks. But Kara insisted and she never had been able to deny her sister anything, especially when she whipped out the puppy dog eyes. 

 

The moment she entered the place her eyes irrevocably flicked towards the collection of pool tables. To one of them in particular and Alex’s breath caught. 

 

“Uhm..” She noticed Kara nervously glancing Maggie’s way. “Sorry, I should’ve thought about that,” Kara apologized as she scratched at her cheek. “Wanna go somewhere else? I think Winn knows a pretty good bar downtown.”

 

“No, it’s okay, it’s not like I can avoid her forever. We do work pretty much in the same line of work.” She patted Kara’s shoulder and froze for a moment when Maggie looked up and their eyes locked. “You can...grab us some drinks, I’ll meet you at the table in the corner,” Alex mumbled as Maggie approached them.

 

Kara hesitated for a moment more and Alex cringed a little at the icy glare she leveled at Maggie, but then walked towards the bar after squeezing her arm briefly.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Sawyer,” she inclined her head, folding her arms across her chest as she stared Maggie down. “Something you wanted?”

 

“Not really. Just haven’t seen you around here in a while.”

 

Sighing, Alex leaned back against the pool table behind her. “What do you even want me to say to that Maggie?”

 

“I just thought..”

 

“You just thought what?” Alex interrupted her. “That I’d go back to playing pool with you as if nothing happened?!” she growled out. She was tired of pretending she was fine, when it was so  _ so _ obvious that she wasn’t. 

 

“That’s not what I wanted to say at all.” 

 

Maggie’s eyes hardened but Alex didn’t care, she was done playing these games.

 

“Then what do you want to say, Maggie? What do you even want from me? You say you want to be friends and then you don’t keep in contact for more than a month. What the hell am I supposed to think?!”

 

“That’s not what I...I didn’t mean to…” Suddenly Maggie’s chin dipped to her chest and Alex could see her throat bob as she repeatedly swallowed before looking up again. “I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t erase what I did, but I truly am sorry. I just..I needed some distance.”

 

The words ‘from you’ were left unspoken but she was able to read between the lines and it was like a punch to the gut. Her heart clenched sharply and her eyes found the door. Until pressure exerted on her right arm made her focus again and she met Maggie’s concerned eyes.

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

It was said softly, barely above a whisper, and she could see how fragile Maggie was in that moment, as if the wrong words would make her shatter. 

 

“But you have. You have and I wished you’d stop,” Alex stuttered out, desperately trying to keep the tears burning in her eyes at bay.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

And then she watched quietly as Maggie grabbed her jacket from a chair and left the bar without another word.

 

* * *

 

 

They still worked on cases together and Maggie was nothing but professional. Never lingering longer than necessary, never talking about anything besides the case. She tried pretending this newly created distance between them wasn’t bothering her, but it was.

 

It bothered her more than she’d ever care to admit and Alex knew it was only a matter of time before something had to give.

  
  


* * *

  
  


She went back to visiting the bar more frequently after her confrontation with Maggie, though she wasn’t ready to admit to herself why this was. Sometimes Alex saw her, sitting at the bar and drinking, or playing pool by herself. But more often than not, she was nowhere to be found and Alex was reminded of what Kara had told her about Maggie drinking a lot. It made her wonder what demons she might have been dealing with, if they were anything like the ones Alex had dealt with in the past.

 

Somehow she still felt drawn towards Maggie. Like a moth to the flame, no matter how many times she got burned. And Alex wanted to hate her for it, for still affecting her so much, for making her want things she knew she’d never have.

 

Even as she approached Maggie, she asked herself it it was worth it. If it would really be such a good idea to try and mend things between them. Offer up to play a game of pool again, especially when she was still so raw and untethered. 

 

Somewhere along the line she would surely run out of wings to burn.

 

“Danvers.”

 

“Sawyer,” she greeted back, before tracing her fingers across the edge of the pool table. “Up for a game or two?”

 

If Maggie was surprised by her offer, there weren’t any outwards signs of it. Save for a glimmer in her eyes followed by a smile that nearly split her face in two. “Yeah.” Though there was no mistaking the wavering in her voice and the nervous way her fingers fumbled with the pool cue. “Sure. We play for money?”

 

“Only if you want to be broke by the end of evening,” Alex teased. It was almost odd how easy it was to fall back into this pattern. Save for the lingering tension and the furtive glances Maggie shot her way sometimes, it was almost liked nothing had ever happened.

 

But there was a sadness about Maggie that Alex hadn’t noticed before. And the way she carried herself seemed different, less relaxed, as if she was carrying a burden with her.

 

“Oh really? I should warn you that I’ve been practicing Alex, I might just give you a run for  _ your  _ money for a change.”

 

Alex cocked one of her eyebrows in challenge, “you’re on.” 

 

Maggie smiled and she couldn’t help return it. It briefly made her think they would be okay.

 

Even if they weren’t. Even if they might never be.

 

* * *

  
  


She wasn’t even able to raise her hand to knock on the door when it flew open and Kara’s bright eyes met her own. 

 

“That’s still a little scary sometimes,” Alex grumbled as she took off her jacket and placed her bag on the kitchen table.

 

“Sorry, I just know when you’re around and for a moment I thought something was wrong, since you usually tell me when you come over.”

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Alex assured her with a wave of her hand, “well I guess I’m a little off kilter but..”

 

“Maggie?” Kara guessed, her eyes narrowing as she flopped down on the couch. 

 

“Yeah. We played pool. It was alright actually.”

 

“But?” Kara prompted, patting the couch in a way that made Alex roll her eyes.

 

“I don’t know how to explain really. It’s like...she’s not the same as before. More guarded, keeping things closer to her chest. And I don’t know what to do about it, if I should even do something about it.” She sighed and raised her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “We talked a lot before that disastrous raid and she told me childhood stories and such, but now she just clams up whenever I try to engage her in anything more than smalltalk.”

 

“I wish I could help somehow,” Kara said softly and Alex smiled at her and leaned against her shoulder.

 

“You’re helping by listening, trust me,” Alex replied. “Maybe she just needs some space and time. At least things normalized somewhat.”

 

“Yeah..”

 

Though Kara wasn’t sounding very convinced and Alex couldn’t blame her. 

 

“Movie and ice-cream?” Kara offered after a minute had passed in comfortable silence.

 

“I’m always up for that. You have anything specific in mind?”

 

“Sharknado?”

 

Alex groaned and flicked Kara across her head. “No.”

 

“But,” Kara sputtered, pouting. “I just want to show you how it’s possible to actually do that if you generate enough thrust. And find enough sharks,” she added after a moment’s contemplation, looking so adorably deep in thought that Alex couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the absurdity of it all.

 

“You’re ridiculous.” She received a sideways pleading look and caved with a sigh. “Fine, Sharknado it is, but the moment we catch you anywhere within a mile’s radius of an actual shark I’m locking you up in a kryptonite cell.”

 

Kara stuck out her tongue while tossing her a tub of chocolate mint ice-cream. “Spoilsport.”

  
  


* * *

 

 

“Did you have any idea these guys would be here?” Maggie called out to her, while firing a few shots from behind the slab of concrete she was using for cover. 

 

“Nope,” Alex replied with a raised voice, “something tells me they got tipped off.” She eyed Harrison who was lying unconscious on the ground behind her and muttered some expletives under her breath. “I’ve already called for backup, she should be here soon.”

 

Keys was cradling her wounded arm but seemed fine otherwise and Alex had high hopes they would all come out of the situation alive. It still made her feel guilty for raiding the location in the first place, because something had seemed off about it from the start. Everything had gone too easy, too smoothly, until they made it to the backroom of the abandoned building. The crumbling walls and wide open spaces left them very little room to maneuver and Alex cursed once more, not even being able to pinpoint how many hostiles they were dealing with.

 

Their adversaries had the high ground however and she knew it would only be a matter of time before they figured out some way to outflank them. Alex just wondered if it would be before or after they ran out of bullets to fire back.

 

“Maggie?” She called out while inclining her head towards her gun. A shake of a head was her response and Alex frowned, a sickening feelings settling in the pit of her stomach. 

 

If only she was able to get a clear shot at one of the goons lurking on the upper floor, she might be able to tip the scales in their favor. But they were quick and nearly silent as they moved, confirming Alex’s suspicions that they were of alien origin. She had spied movement in the corner that was in a direct line of sight of where she was hiding however and it instilled a sense of urgency within her. Harrison was still out of it and he would be easy pickings the moment they caught sight of him.

 

Gritting her teeth, Alex slid over to the unconscious agent and wrapped an arm around his chest. She crouched along the floor the best of her ability, closing in on Maggie’s location while stealing quick glances across the gaps in the wall. Maggie at least seemed to get the idea and provided some covering fire while she moved the unconscious agent to a safer location.

 

Until a hail of bullets was suddenly unleashed upon her section of the wall and Alex gasped and flattened herself to the floor, covering Harrison’s body to protect him from the worst of it. She heard Maggie call out her name and it gave her a sense of deja-vu. 

 

“Alex!” 

 

She locked eyes with Maggie and saw the desperation etched across her face. And then something sharp sliced across her shoulder and Alex yelped in pain. She desperately tried to find a way to get her and Harrison to safety but there was nowhere to go.

 

“Alex?!” 

 

She released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding and grinned, watching as Kara knocked a pair of green and yellow scaled aliens around before depositing them on the ground in a heap.

 

“I’m okay,” she yelled out. “Just got grazed. We need some medical assistance for Keys and Harrison though.”

 

“Sorry,” Kara mumbled as she touched down besides her, “I was all the way at the other side of the town when the call came. I wish I had gotten here sooner.”

 

“It’s okay,” Alex repeated herself as she slumped against the wall and inspected the slice across her shoulder. “Probably gonna need a few stitches to add to my collection though.”

 

It took her a moment to realize Maggie was standing in front of her and when Alex looked up she inhaled sharply at the clear emotions shining in Maggie’s unfocused brown eyes.

 

“Maggie?”

 

She whispered her name but received no response. Until she tried to reach out and Maggie seemed to snap out of it, eyes shimmering with unshed tears as she turned around and walked away.

 

“What’s with her?” Kara questioned as she scooped up Harrison’s unconscious form and prepared to fly towards the ambulances that were converging on their location. 

 

“I don’t know,” she replied softly, unable to lift her eyes from Maggie’s form until she rounded a corner. “I really don’t know.”

  
  


* * *

 

 

The knock on her door was loud and Alex groaned, figuring she should’ve counted on Kara stopping by to check up on her, even after insisting a few dozen times that she was fine.

 

“I told you Kara…” she started, then halted when she realized it was Maggie standing in front of her instead. “Oh,” she added dumbly, taking in Maggie’s disheveled appearance and the slight puffiness of her eyes.

 

“Hey,” Maggie said on a slightly scratchy tone, which confirmed Alex’s suspicions she had been crying. “I’m sorry for stopping by unannounced but I just...I wanted to talk.”

 

“You okay?” Alex questioned even as she opened the door wider to let Maggie inside her apartment. “You kind of ran out on me earlier today and didn’t answer my calls. I thought you...”

 

“I’m not,” Maggie interrupted and Alex’s mouth snapped shut when she caught sight of her brown eyes brimming with tears. “I’m not okay. I thought that I could get past this if I kept my distance. If I build my walls as tall as mountains, but then I see you and it all comes crumbling down. I can’t stop Alex.”

 

Swallowing thickly, Alex broke away from the intensity of Maggie’s gaze. “Can’t stop what?” she queried carefully, not wanting to take that leap again only to get her heart broken in the process.

 

“Wanting you,” came the answer and Alex felt her heartbeat accelerate. The bubble of emotions threatening to spill out causing tears to well up in her own eyes.

 

“Maggie..”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

And Alex had no idea what to even say to that. 

 

“I haven’t been exactly fair to you these past few months. When you...when you got injured and I… I needed to sort through some things. I thought that I would be okay afterwards but the truth is I’m not.” 

 

Wiping away some tears with the sleeve of her jacket Maggie walked towards the couch and sat down. “I think I owe you an explanation at least.” Her voice cracked and she sniffled before looking back up at Alex again. “You can decide what you want to...after,” she stuttered while more tears slowly slid across her cheeks.

 

“I..”   
  


“It’s okay,” Maggie interrupted with a small wave of her hand and Alex swallowed, before perching herself on the edge of the coffee table to face Maggie. “You don’t really have to say anything. But I… Before I came to National City, I was working in Metropolis,” she started and while that information wasn’t new to Alex she realized there was likely more to the story than the career-related opportunities that Maggie had given her as a reason to transfer to National City.

 

“We were just...starting up the Science Police over there. Dealing with the increased amount of alien-related crimes and such. Everything was so...new and it was a bit overwhelming at times. But I..” 

 

Maggie’s eyes closed for a moment and Alex was able to see how she struggled with something. Her hands were clutched together so tightly in her lap the knuckles were turning white. And Alex was helpless to reach out with one of her hands, traced her fingers across the back of Maggie’s hands until she relaxed them ever so slightly again.

 

“I met someone there, her name was Emily,” Maggie blurted out after a few more seconds ticked away. Her eyes sparkled and Alex was caught by how beautiful she was, unguarded and soft, her every emotion clearly visible as it flitted across her features.

 

“And we worked some cases together. Grew pretty close. She was..really important to me. I could tell her everything, Alex.” Maggie’s voice completely broke on her last sentence and it was all Alex could do to not lean forward and wrap her up in her arms.

 

“Everything,” Maggie continued on a soft whisper like tone. “One day we were trying to arrest someone and it turned out he had brought a couple of friends. W-we ended up in a shootout and I didn’t even...know something was wrong until our backup arrived.”

 

Maggie was gazing at her hands, eyes unfocused as if she was somewhere else. “She was already…”

 

Alex squeezed her eyes shut and allowed the tears that had gathered to slide down her cheeks as she watched Maggie fall apart in front of her.

 

“She died in my arms and I-I..never even got to say goodbye,” Maggie choked out in between sobs, her body curling in on itself. “And I..I pretended I was fine. I went back to work, I even..” Her mouth worked around the words she tried to say for a moment. “I attended her funeral but it was..it was as if I wasn’t there. N-not really.”

 

“Maggie…” Alex whispered, before lowering herself on the couch next to her. Before she could say anything more, Maggie turned her head towards her and Alex curled one of her arms around Maggie’s frame as it was being wracked with the force of her sobbing.

  
  


* * *

 

 

“Hey,” Alex greeted Maggie as she placed down a large cup of coffee and a paper bag on Maggie’s desk.

 

“Hey yourself,” Maggie greeted back, flashing her a fully dimpled smile that made Alex’s stomach flutter. “Please be donuts,” she added before digging into the paper bag. 

 

“Of course,” Alex said, eyes crinkling as she leaned against the desk. “Who doesn’t love a good cliche, right?”

 

“If you’re insinuating every cop over here eats donuts on the regular, you’re completely right.”

 

Alex chuckled. She took a sip from her coffee in between stealing glances at Maggie as she took a decent bite out of one of the glazed donuts. 

 

“Thank you,” Maggie said after they locked eyes for a moment and Alex realized, from the intensity of Maggie’s gaze that she wasn’t just talking about the coffee and donuts.

 

“Any time.” Silence enveloped them after that and it made her hesitate whether or not to bring up their conversation from a few nights ago. “You doing okay?” she finally asked after a moment’s contemplation and a furtive glance Maggie’s way from beneath her eyelashes.

 

A deep sigh was her response and she wondered if she had misjudged the situation. 

 

But then Maggie looked at her again, eyes shining brightly with emotion as she stood up from behind her desk. “I think I will be,” she mumbled, before pressing a soft kiss against her lips and tugging at her hips until she was standing between Maggie’s legs.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” Maggie confirmed, tilting her head and flashing her a look full of adoration. Her lips quirked up in a smirk and her eyes crinkled as she cupped Alex’s chin. “Though I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to a few more donuts.”

 

Alex snorted and pinched Maggie’s side. “I’ll take it into consideration.”

 

“Good.” Maggie leaned in and kissed her again, lingering briefly before opening her eyes and staring at her, stroking her cheek with the pads of her fingers. “I meant what I said before, thank you.” 

 

Alex nodded, speechless, her chest swelling with emotion. “I have to get back to work. Pool tonight though?”

 

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

 

* * *

  
  


Maggie had parked the car a few minutes ago but it was like they were both stuck in the moment, frozen with indecision. Thoughts swirled around her head but no words would cross across her lips as she looked at Maggie staring out through the car-window, eyes clouded over and wet.

 

“I can stay here if you want.”

 

“No, it’s..” Her throat bobbed and then she turned to face Alex, lips quivering in a way that told her Maggie was barely keeping it together. “Please.”

  
A few more seconds passed in silence and then Maggie breathed in deeply, opening the car door and stepped outside. 

 

The sun was setting in the sky and painted the sky with streaks of orange and yellow and Alex lifted her head up, needing to center herself. She hadn’t really known what to say during the car ride and she was still at a loss of words after they arrived.

 

Maggie was just as silent, only letting out a choked up sound when they reached the headstone. 

 

A few candles were placed on the grave along with some potted plants and picture frames. One of them was slightly faded now, but she was still clearly able make out the young blonde woman, flashing a crooked grin at the camera.

 

“I’m sorry,” Alex heard Maggie whisper, her voice choked with emotion as she cried softly. “I miss you,” she mumbled and traced the the letters of name on the headstone. 

 

Alex waited a few seconds before gently placing a hand on Maggie’s shoulder. Tears filled her eyes when Maggie immediately turned around and launched herself into her arms, clutching almost desperately at her jacket as she sobbed her heart out.

 

They stood there for minutes and Alex’s heart constricted every time Maggie let out an anguished sound. It made her wonder how long Maggie had suppressed her grief, how long she had been drinking to forget, instead of gaining the closure she obviously had so desperately needed. 

 

When Maggie extricated herself from Alex’s arms she had no idea what to expect. Certainly not the way Maggie reached out with her fingers and cleared away a few tears from her own cheeks. 

 

But she looked lighter, as if a weight had finally been lifted from her shoulders and her eyes were shining brightly along with the slowly setting sun. Alex sucked in a shaky breath when Maggie traced her lips for a moment before stepping backwards.

 

She looked at the headstone again and smiled. Smiled until it finally reached her eyes, and to Alex it seemed real.  _ Felt  _ real. Maggie’s hand curved along her own until their fingers were laced together.

 

“Let’s go home.”

  
  
  



End file.
